Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Rime... Part IV


The Banquet-Guest feareth that a Plagiarist is talking to her ;

'I fear thee, ancient Researcher !
I fear thy smooth hand !
And thou art long, and lank, and white,
As is the sifted sea-sand.

I fear thee and thy languorous-eye,
And thy smooth hand, so white.'-
Fear not, fear not, thou Banquet-Guest !
A plagiarised paper did I never write.

But the ancient Researcher assureth her of her noble research life, and proceedeth to relate her terrible penance.

Alone, alone, all, all alone
Alone in a wide wide world !
And never did a prof took pity
On research mine so snarled.

She despiseth the creatures of the Academe

The many speakers, so clever!
Did get their papers rejected and lie :
And a thousand thousand slimy students
Lived on: and so did I.

And envieth that they should publish, and so many lie rejected.

I looked upon the rotting Academe
And drew my eyes away ;
I looked upon the rotting Department,
And there the rejected papers lay.

I looked for journals, and tried to write :
But or ever a paper had been writ,
A wicked scrawl came, and made
The teeth my prof and labbies grit.

I closed my eyes, and kept them close,
And the balls like pulses beat;
For the journal and academe, and academe and journals,
Lay like a load on my wary eye,
And rejected papers were at my feet.

But the curse liveth for her in the eye of the authors of rejected papers.

The cold sweat melted from their limbs,
Nor rot nor reek did they :
The look with which they looked on me
Had never passed away.

A grad student's curse would forever follow
The adviser that did unwisely advise:
But oh ! more horrible than that
Is the curse in a rejected author's eyes!
Seven years did I see those sights,
And yet I could not plagiarise.

In her barrenness and sadness she yearneth towards JIFLU (Journals of Impact Factors Less than Unity), and other proceedings that still reject, yet still publish; and everywhere her paper gets rejected, while the journals continue their periodic rejection, and keep increasing their impact factors.

The rejecting JIFLU went on rejecting,
No consideration did they show :
Only regret letters for papers mine
Did they write; It was such a blow.

Silly were there reasons of rejection,
Like grammar and spelling and such :
Where the rejection letters lay
On my table in such an array
It was terrible mess to search.

By the rejection letters of JIFLU she beholdeth noble researchers of great achievement.

Beyond the glare of the academe,
I saw the researchers supreme:
They moved in orbits of shining white
And papers they wrote with such insight
That light did flow from them in a stream.

With the rejection letters in my hand
I watched them sincere at their job:
Neither awards, nor name,
Did they care for or for fame ;
Papers to journals never did they off fob.

Their diligence and their happiness. She blesseth them in her heart.

O happy researchers! no tongue
Their diligence might declare :
A spring of love gushed from my heart,
And I blessed them unaware :
Sure my kind prof took pity on me,
And I blessed them unaware.

The spell begins to break.

The self-same moment I could write :
And from hands so free
Came a CiteClassic, and sent
The academe into a spree.


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